Countdowns
I have done this before. Counted the days and weeks to an important event. One spring many years ago I counted the moments until my wedding, filled with thoughts of pearl-embroidered silk and waltzing with my dear groom to be. While stroking my heavy belly, singing to my unborn baby, I counted the days until I would meet my first and then my second child. And now, I am counting the weeks and days until my first book is published, and experiencing the familiar bubbles in my stomach and the overpowering feeling of change and grateful disbelief: is this really happening?
I’m reminded of another countdown in my life, of an altogether different manner. That time, I was not looking forward in excited anticipation but futilely trying to hold onto each passing day as it faded into twilight and slipped from my fingers. A countdown when I looked at the number on the calendar, wondering: will that be my last day? Looking at the date was like staring into the blackness of a vast night sky, where will I be that day? On this date was written “heart surgery” and after this date, there were no more marks, no plans, no appointments, only an unwritten question mark, that gave all the days leading up to it a new weight, tying me closer to all that I loved.
The dreaded day came and went and I survived. This is what it taught me. Every day is a big event. To wake up, open my eyes, feel my scarred heart beat its steady rhythm, hear my family get ready for school and work and to smile to myself: I am here. Nevertheless, I still count the days until September 15 when I will wake up to declare: I am here and today my story goes out into the world.
Lene
This post was originally published on She Writes, the world’s largest platform for women writers with 26 000 members.
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It will be a blast. I have no doubt about it.
You moved me with your remembrance of the surgery. I can only imagine the book to be beautiful 🙂
So I’ll see you on 15 September (only on this blog, I’m afraid 😉 ) and we’ll have a toast!
Yay, September 15 it is!!! Although Amazon seem to start shipping the book early…! But September 15 we’ll have a virtual toast for sure! 🙂
THIS THURSDAY is Amazon’s estimated delivery date! And for some reason *I* am feeling nervous. On your behalf, I guess?? Exciting times! How are you celebrating? Because you must.
Wow, they really are early!! I guess I’ll have to start partying! 🙂 Any ideas on how to celebrate…?
I don’t know…skydiving? Something to really get that healed heart pumping!!! 😉
Ha ha ha!! Thanks for the suggestion! Suddenly a nice dinner out sounds very… safe. 🙂
Compared to skydiving, dinner does sound pretty…safe. Unless… Japanese restaurant, dress like ninjas? You do like to wear black…
An amazing day – perhaps a bit like giving birth again – 15 of September.
We wish you the very best, better than best!!
Hugs
Ha ha, yesterday our youngest suggested that September 15 should be my “third birthday”–I already have my second birthday on October 8, the date for my heart surgery. So cute of her to suggest such a thing! <3
Every day is a birthday, for the rest of our lives.
I wish you many happy days.
Yay, very true and right back at ya!
Nu har jag äntligen läst Boken. Denna utroligt välskrivna, intensiva, rörande, gripande bok läste jag igår utan att lämna soffan. Kl 00.30 var jag klar efter att ha läst i fem timmar med pappersnäsdukar liggande brevid mig. Tack Lene för att du har delat med dig av dina upplevelser och känslor till oss läsare.
Tack snälla för de fina orden! Men hjälpes, läste du hela i fem timmar (du läser snabbt!) utan paus! Jag vill ju inte ta knäcken på mina läsare. 🙂 Hoppas du får vila upp dig idag efter en sådan marathon-läsning. Stor kram!